When you've got nothing to truly stress about...

You stress about EVERYTHING!

This is my life, this is how I always feel and I'm pretty sure its the only way I've ever been able to function. I've felt like this through school, through work, and through life thus far. How the hell do you stop? I guess its called relaxing and I really don't know how to do it. Its 11:30 at night, I don't have any work or any pending deadlines and yet I feel extremely anxious. Like I'm slacking off and not doing something I should be doing and I'm running out of time. I have a number of things swimming around in my head as to what I think are the culprits to my feeling like this...thinking about listing them is even overwhelming me.

1. I found a "mentor" to help me finally get into screenwriting. We met about a week and a half ago and I was supposed to write a scene and send it to him LAST week. So, that is the pending, way overdue deadline that I should just type up and get it the hell out of the way. What am I waiting for? Do I want to write or not?

2. Getting the ball rolling on my house searching. I have names of at least 3 realtors that people have suggested, and I know that I want to buy my house soon, so what the heck am I waiting for? Is it fear, comfort, or laziness that stops me from actually getting this going? With such an unsure future as to what jobs I will do next, I feel like that is my excuse to prolong the search. "Unsure future on what jobs will come next" is basically my life for the next few years.

3. Do I want to do costumes/wardrobe for the majority of my career? Sure, with the exception that I need to step it up and get creative. I want to CREATE costumes, maybe not be a costume designer, but just for the sake of creation, making my own fun costumes. I've been tinkering with the thoughts of making my own Battle Angel costume and Predator costume for YEARS now...and here I am, just tinkering with the thought. All I do is think and think and I don't DO enough.

4. I have a job this upcoming weekend/week, with an out of town stylist. Okay, no problem. I've worked with many out of town stylists and they've all been nice and I've been happy to assist them. So then, WHY am I so nervous about working with this one? Every time I work with a new stylist, I feel anxious like this. Like the feeling of impending doom or failure. Perhaps I need to man up and stop stressing about the uncontrollable future.

5. Before I got into costumes/wardrobe I wanted to be a makeup artist...so then, why the hell am I in wardrobe? I get so mad at myself because I've been watching that show Face Off on SyFy and telling myself that this is what I wanted to do. But then I think about it realistically and I also want to do what I'm doing now.

You just can't do EVERYTHING Caro. Or can you?